The Reality of Romance Scams

Romance scams are among the most financially and emotionally damaging forms of online fraud. Unlike other cybercrime, they target something deeply human — the desire for connection and love. Scammers often invest weeks or months building what feels like a genuine relationship before introducing any financial element. By that point, many victims are deeply emotionally attached, making the manipulation extremely effective.

Awareness is your best defence. Understanding the patterns these scams follow can help you protect yourself without becoming needlessly suspicious of every genuine person you meet online.

Common Red Flags to Watch For

1. They're Too Perfect, Too Fast

Scammers create idealized personas — often attractive, successful, worldly, and emotionally articulate in ways that feel almost scripted. If someone seems almost too perfect and is expressing intense affection within the first few days, slow down. Genuine relationships build over time.

2. They Can Never Meet In Person

There's always a reason they can't video call, or why the video call is always grainy or brief. They're working offshore, in the military, on a yacht, at a remote job site. Legitimate people who are interested in you will find a way to show up — even via a simple, unscheduled video call.

3. Their Story Has Inconsistencies

Over time, details don't add up. They mentioned a sibling who later seems not to exist. Their job title changed. Their age is different in different conversations. These slip-ups are signs of fabrication. If you notice them, it's worth asking direct questions and observing the reaction.

4. They Ask for Money — In Any Form

This is the defining moment of a romance scam, but it rarely starts big. It may begin as a small "loan" for an emergency — a sick relative, a stuck shipment, a missed flight to come see you. Once you send money, they'll often ask again. The reasons will escalate. Payment via wire transfer, gift cards, or cryptocurrency is a major red flag, as these are nearly impossible to recover.

5. They Try to Move You Off the Dating Platform Quickly

Scammers prefer communicating via WhatsApp, Telegram, or email because dating platforms increasingly monitor and flag suspicious behavior. If someone pushes hard to move the conversation off-platform before you've established basic trust, be cautious.

How to Protect Yourself

  • Do a reverse image search on their profile photos (Google Images or TinEye). Scammers routinely steal photos of real people.
  • Request an unscheduled video call early. A simple wave or a specific action (like showing a hand signal) on demand is hard to fake.
  • Tell someone you trust about the person you're talking to. Scammers rely on secrecy and isolation. Outside perspectives are valuable.
  • Never send money to someone you have not met in person, regardless of how compelling the reason seems.
  • Search their name + "scam" online. Sometimes others have already documented the same persona.

If You Suspect You're Being Scammed

Stop all contact. Do not send any more money. Report the profile to the dating platform, and if money has already changed hands, report it to your country's consumer protection or fraud authority (such as the FTC in the US, Action Fraud in the UK, or the ACCC's Scamwatch in Australia). You are not alone — many intelligent, careful people have been targeted by these schemes.

Protecting yourself online doesn't mean approaching dating with cynicism. It means knowing what genuine connection looks like — and recognising when something doesn't feel right.